It begins.

Queened of the Damned Chick

I'm in my room looking at the wall.. all of a sudden my ex special lady friend walks in… and she also looked as if she gained about 20 pounds (which I'm cool with) but still, that was new. She starts to seduce me (which I'm also cool with) and doing her "thing", which I won't get into detail. She then morphs into that chick in Queen of the Damned.. I almost shit on myself in the process.. backing flipping off of me.. and begins doing weird hand gestured dances.. I'm still fighting to contain myself, and not in the good way. All of a sudden I hear "Cut!"

Barbara Walters... the Director

The walls disappear, I'm very frighten and I come to find out I'm shooting some type of commercial. I look over seeing all the camera crew and producers and shit.. and Barbara Walters is the director. She explains that I'm doing a "alternative approached commercial for The View." I grab the clipboard and cover myself.. because I am very nude. I ask her.. "Well what is the other commercial about? Lets do the other one."

She gives me a robe and takes me out to her limo.. and we take a drive to another studio. While this is all happening she says nothing.. she only listens to a portable CD player and the CD is C & C Music Factory. (things that make you go mmmmmm, every body dance now. You remember the songs)

We arrive at the studio and she says here you go.. do the commercial and leaves. Then some guy jumps down from a upper level and starts yelling at me about restaurant style chips and how they are the best chip north of Poland. I'm very confused and don't know what to say.. so I go to the director and he's like "just be scared and frustrated with John (the guy yelling)and say you love the chips and start crying!" I ask for a script but he says there isn't one. I leave the set trying to find Barbara Walters wondering why this has anything to do with The View. I trip over a branch and fall into some Gold Bond Medicated Powder.. I know this because I see about 50 bottles of it to the side.

Gold Bond

I then woke up.

Quick Note: I once enjoyed C & C Music Factory.